My new friend Melanie, came up with an idea, a themed blog relay, like the Olympics. Only this is about hope
http://melaniecrutchfield.com/2012/07/27/hope-2012-a-blog-relay/
I have thought about this for several days, and to be honest the idea of writing about hope upsets me. Probably because in my life I have major issues with hope.
My son "MB" is autistic, and (even thought I hate most of the descriptions of people living on the autism spectrum) for the sake of this post I will use generalizations (forgive me, its easier and right now I need easy), he is considered moderate to severe.
My son will never graduate high school, never have a real job, never live alone. He is incapable of holding a conversation, or express his thoughts or dreams.
When I was pregnant, I had some many hopes, and dreams, but now I just don't know.
And then I look into my son's beautiful blue eyes, and my heart melts. I know in someways I am lucky. He can talk, and express basic wants and needs. He is a caring and loving young man
When I first started thinking about what I would write, it almost felt like an absence of hope, but as I watch my son and I look at the things he is able to do. Things that against all odds, he is now able to do, and I think it really is a hope for hope...
I'm crying. Thank you so much for sharing this, Karen. Its scary to open up, but please know that by sharing this, everyone who reads it is a Hope witness. I feel like we're all sharing little pieces of light. So when yours dims momentarily, remember how many of us are out there, zipping around (possibly like drunken fireflies) and carrying some of your light that you passed forward here in this post. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Thanks so much for sharing! A theme that keeps coming up in HOPE 2012 is that hope is a choice. Maybe not choosing to believe that tomorrow will be full of hearts and stars and unicorns, but at least that we'll make it. And sometimes we need to start with hoping for hope.
ReplyDeleteYou keep that hope and thanks for sharing! Like Lesley so eloquently said, we're there for you!
ReplyDeleteAdd me to the growing list of supporters :) Beautiful, honest words that touched me instantly. Having worked with children with special needs for some years I started to talk about your son here, but decided to delete, because what matters here is that your words are heard, and appreciated. Thank you for sharing. And even if he can't show you his love, it is there behind those beautiful eyes shining up at you.
ReplyDeleteFirst off I have to stop checking my blog at work, crying my eyes out. "MB" shows me he loves me every day. It is just hard even after 14 years to set aside the dreams you have when you hold your child for the first time.
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful. You are insanely strong. I believe we're all here for a reason with out own set of weaknesses and strengths necessary to do what we were put here to accomplish. MB will no doubt fulfill all he was put here to do. Especially with such a fantastic mother as you!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. I expect several parents out there feel that same, "What happened?" after holding their precious new babies and I HOPE they find their way here to read this.
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